too many words by laura lemay

strange and violent squid sex

They say that keeping a blog is a good way to find yourself. And you know, I really had no idea I had such a fascination with our eight-legged mesopelagic overlords until I started blogging about them. So there you go. All this time I was a latent squidblogger.

From collision detection I learn more uncomfortable facts about giant squid. As in, if you are a male giant squid getting laid is just no fun at all. The good news is that if you are a male giant squid you have a penis as long as your body that behaves, um, “a bit like a high pressure fire hose.” (make joke about spam email here). Squid mating also requires no aim or talent at all — all the male squid has to do is inject “sperm packets” somewhere into the skin of the female. The bad news is that the female of the species is a third larger than you are, isn’t the least bit interested in you, and mean as heck. (make joke about women in bars here.)

Although this hasn’t actually ever been observed the thought is that giant squid mating happens when a male squid bumps into a female squid in the dark in the ocean. (I am kind of dubious about this part. The ocean is a really big place and this seems mighty chancy to me). A violent mating battle ensues. The extra-long projectile penis is apparently a good idea because with it the male can inseminate the female from some distance away and then run away before the female figures out precisely what’s going on (make joke about men in bars here).

But apparently things get kind of confusing in the dark when there are a whole lot of legs involved. A bunch of male squid have been found that have been inseminated by another male squid, and a few that have been inseminated by themselves. Being a male giant squid must be very, very confusing.